Unmet Needs in Relationships
According to John Gottman, Ph.D., There are four behaviors that, if they occur regularly, are very good predictors of either a failed or an unhappy relationship. Criticism vs. Complaint, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Unmet needs are inevitable as we are products of an imperfect world. Healthy families deal with the hurt of unmet needs as they go along; Dysfunctional families may deny the hurts, ignore the needs and/or blame the child for having needs.
Children don't comprehend their needs. It is important that parents understand and validate the needs of a child. Unmet childhood needs follow us into relationships. We often unconsciously enter a relationship hopeful that now we'll receive the acceptance we missed or the affection we long for or the attention we desire....
Hurt is experienced in relationships when these same unmet childhood needs go unmet in relationships or even worse, when we receive the opposite ... We receive rejection when we longed for acceptance, coldness when we needed affection; neglect when we needed attention. We often look to our partners to fill our void and blame them when they can't. Frustrated and disappointed, we continue in our search for happiness only to find ourselves repeating the same patterns.
Unmet needs contribute to a lack of identity and self-worth; self-defeating attitudes or behaviors may develop. When childhood needs go unmet and unidentified, we tend to repeat the patterns. Those unidentified and unmet needs become distorted and cause us to form faulty beliefs, shaping the way we view ourselves and the world. We begin to subconsciously look for or create situations that reinforce our beliefs about ourselves. We become our own worst enemy.